Life isn't always fair.
Through the passage of years, months, weeks none of the tree have been neither gentle nor kind but instead bewildered me with their development.
I've changed a lot, more in the last few months than I've been molded in the entirety of my life, which is not much saying judging by the fact that I'm only 20 years.
I've renegaded my drug habits my links there, and along with those my income and 'friends' both left. Reality didn't hit me with a surprise in that department, but more with a half-arsed hello.
I haven't eaten in a week, went through two work places this month, currently trying for the 3rd. I've been struggling with food for months now, too many weeks of eating just a loaf of bread turned into no loaf of bread at all.
The thing that scares me nowadays is not my situation, but my mind. I lie in bed, eyes shut every night, and whilst I do a very good job at looking asleep, I sit awake. I open my eyes through out the nights to just stare at the laptop, and see how many hours pass, how many hours I've spent standing still like a loon. How many hours I've been racing through my mind unable to stop asking myself questions. Generally, the few days I sleep in the week, are from exhaustion.
Out of all the things I've did so far, I don't regret going cold-turkey, more or less, I regret the fake human interactions that came with the habit and made me feel less alone.
What do I think about my decision?
Even a broken watch tells the right hour twice a day. I was going through the motions of living just fine, breathing, smiling, feeling good. I never was happy. Truth be told, I'm just as unhappy now but at the very least I'm not lying to myself anymore with it. The key word being just. If I could change just one thing, I'd do it sooner.
Good new is: no longer 2Fat2Furious, but more like 2Slim2Chill4YouM8 which is entirely true, 2+2+4 = 8.
I've got hired at GameForge, I'm now a Game Operator for a game called Ogame, server Ganimed, even had my own DPA signed (data protection agreement) which basically means... that generally if you do a boo-boo in this workplace, you get kicked out, if you talk about your boo-boo in normal chat, you also get sued. So that's twice the fun! I forgot to add they also don't pay you for that, it's volunteer work. TRIPLE THE FUN!
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Had so much fun with that game DURING WORKHOURS 