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 Post subject: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:07 
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Has no REAL life! (4896)
That's right. I write kids stories now... And here's one here.

Once upon a time there was a little Moose that wanted desperately to rain death on all the other woodland creatures but couldn’t because he didn’t have the proper equipment like maybe a rocket launcher or even some grenades. This made the little Moose very unhappy. One day the little Moose was out at the watering hole when his best friend Baal the Rabbit came hopping along.

“Hi Minimoose. What are you doing?” Baal asked.
“Oh I’m just getting a drink of water” He replied.
“You look a little sad. What’s wrong?” Baal asked with concern in his voice.
“Oh Baal. All I want is to eradicate all life in this forest. But I can’t. I lack the arsenal to effectively do so” Minimoose let out a sigh.
“Oh Minimoose. I wish there was someway we could get you high explosives. I really do” Baal inched closer to take a drink when behind them, the bushes started to rustle.

Minimoose and Baal both turned with surprise. There were a lot of dangers in the forest and their parents had told them to run at the first sign of danger. Just as they were about to make a break for it they both laugh as the figure emerges from the bush. It was only their friend Lim-Dul. He was a human who was exiled from the nearby village for preying on the women folk there. He was called a pervert. In the woods he was accepted though. And for some bizarre reason he could also talk to them. And have sex with them.

“Hi guys. Follow me, I want to show you something” Lim said excitedly.
“Um… we’re tired of seeing your penis Lim. It doesn’t do anything for us” Baal exclaimed.
“Haha. No it’s not my penis again. I’ve found something I think you should see” Lim seemed so eager, Moose and Baal could not refuse the offer to follow. So off they went.

They bounded through the undergrowth heading North toward the valley. Moose wondered what Lim could possibly have found out here. As they approached the valley Lim slowed down and crouched behind a bush. Moose and Baal crouched down beside him.

“God dammit Lim-Dul, put your cock away!” Baal shouted.
“Haha. Sorry. What can I say, God loves a trier” Lim laughed as he tucked his penis back into his trousers. “Seriously though, that’s not why I brought you out here. There’s something in the valley I think you’ll find very interesting”
“What is it?” Baal asked curiously.
“It’s something called a truck. An army truck to be exact”
“What’s it for?” Moose asked.
“Well if I’m right, and I usually am, it will have been used to transport weaponry from the nearby Army base”
“Really?” Moose asked with excitement in his voice. Would he finally have the weaponry capable of destroying shit?

The three made their way down the valley to the crashed truck. They approached slowly as there could be danger around. As the got to the truck, Lim-Dul looked around then lifted up the tarp concealing the opening. Moose face lit up as he gazed upon the weaponry held within. He leapt quickly into the back followed by Baal. Lim smiled widely. He had done good by his little Moose friend. And maybe now, when he’s old enough, he would repay him with some anal sex.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Lim was startled. He turned quickly to be greeted by the face of an angry Soldier.

“Oh… hello.” Lim replied.
“Don’t hello me. I said what are you doing?” The Soldier edged closer to Lim, looking into the truck momentarily.
“Me and my friends just came down to look at your truck. We didn’t realise you were still down here”
“Your friends? You mean the Rabbit and the baby Moose?” The Soldier asked.
“Yeah”
“Your friends are a Rabbit and a baby… Hey!….”
“What?”
“Put your fucking dick away man! I don’t want to see that”

Just as Lim goes to put his penis away it is suddenly blown off. Lim starts to scream uncontrollably and falls to the floor. The Soldier turns to look into the truck just as a shotgun blast takes half his face off. He falls to the ground dead.

“My COCK! GARGH!” Lim screams, writhing around on the ground.
Baal hops out of the truck holding a pistol “I shot your dick off Lim-Dul”

Lim continues to roll around screaming just as Minimoose bounds out of the back of the truck and fires a rocket at the ground which kills Lim and Baal instantly and propels Moose up into the sky where he fires a rocket at some watching Badgers. As he lands he let’s out a laugh. The little Moose is finally happy. He makes his way into the forest to kill everything and everybody.



THE END


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:10 
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The Necromancer (4970)
LOL! ;-)

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War does not determine who is right - only who is left. - Bertrand Russell


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:14 
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Has no REAL life! (3426)
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lawl man...ur a fockin poet...ur so genius...this totally made mah day...i couldn't stop laughin while readin this...

man i need a hanky to wish mah tears away xD

moah...MORE MORE MORE! <33

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:15 
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Has no REAL life! (1242)
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haha... nice going mate, does this mean we don't get to see Lim-Duls penis in netherland?

I was so looking forward to this....
and Lim... shame on you for giving minors weapons!

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[SpA]Mint "IN.... MY....PANTS"

[SpA]Minimoose "Revenge is going to jump out of your pants?"


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:22 
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Has no REAL life! (5288)
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Awesome :mrgreen: you should write more and include more characters. :wink: It was suprisingly well written...

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:26 
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Has no REAL life! (3426)
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[SpA]Minimoose! wrote:
Awesome :mrgreen: you should write more and include more characters. :wink: It was suprisingly well written...
yeh...i already said to mini...pls write more about us 3 & include more charactes...u should publish them sum day! xD

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:33 
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The Necromancer (4970)
[SpA]Mint wrote:
haha... nice going mate, does this mean we don't get to see Lim-Duls penis in netherland?
As long as they get to see yours the trip will have been worth it anyway! ;-)

_________________
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. - Bertrand Russell


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:35 
Beautiful.


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 16:59 
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Has no REAL life! (4896)
Here's another one....

Once upon a time a snowman named Frosty was sitting on his hill. He had a big smile on his face cause today was his birthday and all his friends were coming over for a big party.

“Oh today is going to be glorious. I can’t wait to see all my friends and have cake and play games and maybe even get to shag somebody” Frosty exclaimed with glee.

First to turn up was Frosty’s friend Mint who had come all the way from Norway. He walked up the hill with a massive package. He also had a present in his hand.

“Hi Mint” Frosty greeted his friend.
“S’up faggot. I brought you this from the Army base. If they found out I gave it to you I’ll get sent down for a long time”
“Wow. What is it?” Frosty asked.
“Well open it and see you dick” Mint answered.

Frosty tore open the packaging. His eyes widened as he gazed upon the object inside.

“What is that Mint?”
“It’s a Sniper Rifle”
“What does it do?”
“It allows you to accurately shoot people at a distance”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“I dunno. For a laugh? Here, let me show you” Mint took the Rifle out of the box. He looked around for a possible target.
“Who’s that guy down there Frosty?” Mint asked.

Frosty looked into the distance. It was Popper. Frosty had not invited him to his party but it looked like he was coming anyway.

“Oh no. Not him. I had him over for New Years and he got my girlfriend killed. It was an accident but it still hurts…” Frosty let out a little sob.
“Your girlfriend? How does that work, do you take the carrot off your face and stick it on your crotch when you fancy a fuck?”
“Very funny”
Mint put his eye to the Sniper scope and pointed the barrel at the approaching Popper “Check this shit out”

Popper’s head explodes as the bullet makes contact with his skull. His headless corpse flops down in the snow. Frosty is stunned.

“That…was… INCREDIBLE!” Frosty can’t stop laughing. He’s never seen anything like it.
“I love it Mint. Thank you”
“No problem. Oh look”

The two watch as steam billows into the sky in the distance. It looks like their friend FuutFuut train is coming. The two make their way down the hill to greet him. He turns the corner with a big smile on his face.

“Hi guys” He shouts as he makes his way toward them. He let’s out a big whoosh as he comes to a halt.
“Did you just fart?” Mint asks.
“No” FuutFuut replies. “Look who else is here”

They laugh as Bucky steps out of FuutFuut’s cabin. He is smoking a massive J and is almost billowing as much smoke as FuutFuut was.

“Yo” He greets them.
“Bucky! You came” Frosty smiles as he hugs Bucky.
“Jesus man. You’re freezing. You alright?” Bucky asks.
“I’m a Snowman”
“Yeah. It’s not healthy to be that cold” Bucky exclaims.
“But I’m made of snow”
“What?”
“Snow. Snow is cold. Very cold. And I’m made of it”
“Yeah”
“…”
“S’up bitches?”

Everybody turns to see Crackhead trudging through the snow toward them.

“Crackie” They all shout in unison.
“I brought you some cocaine… It’s booger sugar” Crackhead hands a little bag to Frosty.
“Um… thank you Crackhead…. I don’t really take this but maybe somebody else will”
“Who’s that over there?” Crackhead asks pointing to Popper’s freshly beheaded corpse.
“Oh it’s Popper. Mint blew his head off with MY new Sniper Rifle” Frosty beams as he holds up Mint’s gift.
“Well guys should we go back to my house? I’ve got lots of fun party games lined up for us and lots of yummy snacks!” Frosty smiles as he makes his way off back up the hill.

Everybody begins to walk up the hill, laughing as they go.

“Hey!” FuutFuut shouts after them.
“What?” Bucky shouts back.
“Where the hell are you going?” He replies.
“We’re going to Frosty’s. Weren’t you listening?” Mint asks.
“Yeah I was listening but how the fuck am I supposed to go to Frosty’s house!?” FuutFuut asks enraged.

The friends all look at each other. They look confused.

“I’m a train you dumb shits. I can’t get off these tracks. I can only go where the train tracks go!”
“Well… maybe we could go to a bar” Crackhead queries FuutFuut.
“Oh yeah. Do you know many bars with train tracks running through them dipshit!?” FuutFuut asks.
“Well we’re not going to stand around here in the cold” Mint says turning to walk up the hill.
“Oh that’s fine. I came all this way and you’re going to ditch me. Well thanks a lot dicks, thanks a fucking lot!” FuutFuut shouts as he starts to move away.
“FuutFuut don’t be like that” Frosty shouts.
“Eat shit!” He replies as he leaves.

The friends all look glum as they watch FuutFuut leave. Bucky takes a drag of his J. Frosty puts the Sniper scope to his eye and aims it. Pulling the trigger he explodes the skull of Lim-Dul who had come over to have sex with Popper’s corpse.

“WOW! HEADSHOT” Mint shouts.

Frosty lowers the rifle with a big smile on his face.

“I think I’m going to enjoy this Sniping lark”



THE END


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 17:09 
Image


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 17:31 
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Has no REAL life! (3426)
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lawl man...u are GOD xP

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 17:38 
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Has no REAL life! (1829)
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One word....
epic :4

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 17:39 
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Has no REAL life! (1242)
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again.... awsome.... funny yet smart and characteristic.
someone spam Frosty about this, he never reads the forums.

btw... YAY I GOT TO KILL POPPER

:4

and I loved the word sparring between frosty and bucky... it was so typical bucky really..

_________________
[SpA]Revenge "Wheres the element of surpise :/"

[SpA]Mint "IN.... MY....PANTS"

[SpA]Minimoose "Revenge is going to jump out of your pants?"


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 17:55 
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Has no REAL life! (3493)
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[SpA]DrMcMoist wrote:
...As the got to the truck, Lim-Dul looked around then lifted up the tarp concealing the opening. Moose face lit up as he gazed upon the weaponry held within...
Quote:
Lim-Dul looked around then lifted up the tarp concealing the opening
Quote:
lifted up the tarp concealing the opening
Quote:
the tarp
Quote:
tarp
ITS A TARP

that was brilliant. do more please. : D

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ュ~ちゃんgamer.jp Pinky: true genius
ュ~ちゃんgamer.jp Pinky: doesn't make sense
ュ~ちゃんgamer.jp Pinky: till you're senseless


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 18:09 
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Has no REAL life! (1359)
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this is sooooooo goood... you should deffo do more, make it a returning blog xD <3

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 18:35 
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Geek (877)
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lol I'm going to read these stories for my children when I'll have them

Oh ye and my sister's upcomming baby as well.
Anyway thats some nice ones.. but don't you love me moist?

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 19:18 
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Has no REAL life! (1309)
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EPIC :mrgreen:

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02:47 <+saifon> D:


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 19:24 
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Community slut (13474)
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lol nice stories mate :4


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 19:44 
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Has no REAL life! (1690)
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Brilliant stories

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i throath fuck gods of people like you and trow them in to a fucking jail. good bye your self. further more i will skulfuck your god and fuck him in his ass hes a fucking idiot.


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 19:52 
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Has no REAL life! (2359)
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Haha I love em, they are a bit like the intros from the Koen en Sander show (they got crazy stuff as well, not as crazy as this though xD) on 3fm I can just hear the voice, that intro's, them reading your stories aloud and its cracking me up

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 20:03 
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Has learned to write! (153)
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Kudos DrMcMoist!


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 23:22 
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Has no REAL life! (4896)
Yep. Another one....

Once upon a time a brave superhero by the name of Captain Awesome was flying high above the city. He had been summoned to the Mayor’s office on urgent business. No doubt Awesome’s nefarious nemesis Lim-Dul was up to no good again. Awesome furrowed his brow as he thought of all the evil he could be perpetrating. He picked up speed in order to reach the Mayor’s office faster.

In the Mayor’s office, Mayor Unity had a very grim look on his face.

“What is it Mayor? Is it Lim-Dul again?” Captain Awesome asked.
“Yes. Once again he has escaped from prison and is reaping havoc in my fair city. I won’t stand for it Captain Awesome, you must stop him”
“He isn’t running another illegal bestiality ring is he?” Captain Awesome asks obviously concerned for the bum holes of all the cities animals.
“No. It’s something much worse I’m afraid…. Oh. Wait no, it is another bestiality ring.” The Mayor replies.
“What is it with that guy and raping dogs?” Captain asks.
“I wish I knew. He’s a truly disturbed individual, and he must be stopped. The last we heard he was operating out of the Docks.”
“Right. I’ll get right on that Sir. The cities animals will be safe once again!”

Captain Awesome doesn’t leave though. Him and Mayor Unity stare at each other for a moment.

“What are you doing Captain Awesome?” The Mayor asks.
“I’m waiting for my new sidekick to get here”
“You have a new sidekick?”
“Yeah”
“And he’s meeting you here?”
“Yeah”
“Why didn’t he come with you?”
“Well he can’t fly you see”
“Oh right. So what, is he driving?”
“Nah he can’t drive, he’s not old enough”
“He’s not old enough?”
“No he’s only 15. He’s taking the bus”
“Oh…”

Captain Awesome and Mayor continue to stare at each other in silence.

“So how’s the wife?” Awesome asks.
“Yeah she’s fine… So your new sidekick”
“Yeah?”
“He’s 15 years old?”
“Indeed he is”
“And what powers does he have?”
“Oh he doesn’t have powers”
“What? You’re taking a 15 year old with no super powers off to fight the worst super villain this city has ever seen?”
“That’s right”
“Why!?”
“He won a competition the company that makes my cereal was running.”
“That is just massively irresponsible”
“Why?”
“Cause he’s a kid. What if somebody shoots him?”
“He wont get shot”
“Didn’t Lim-Dul drop a load of steel girders on to your head before he went to prison?”
“Yes. But I survived” Captain Awesome quips rather smugly.
“Yes I know you survived. You have super powers!”
“So?”
“What do you mean so!? If he does that to this boy then he’ll die for sure!”
“I won’t let that happen”
“It happened to you”
“Yeah but I just let that happen so I would look badass. I could have avoided it easy”
“That as it may be Captain Awesome this is a very bad idea”
“Listen. With all due respect Mayor I’ve been in the superhero game for a long time so I’d appreciate it if you’d respect my decision. I don’t come down here and tell you how to run this city”
“You have your moments”
“I make suggestions”
“Yeah well I suggest you don’t take a child into a situation where he could die! What the hell would the papers say!? They’d tear you to shreds!”
“He’ll be fine. It’s only for a week anyway”
“He could get killed today!”
“He won’t get killed. I’ll make sure of it Mayor”
“Jesus H Christ Awesome, I can’t beli….”

Mayor Unity is interrupted by his intercom. It is his Secretary.

“Sir. There’s a weird boy out here claiming to be Captain Awesome’s sidekick. Should I call Security”
“No. That won’t be necessary. Send him in” The Mayor replies.

Weirdo enters Mayor Unity’s office with a goofy grin on his face.

“You took your time” Awesome says as Weirdo walks next to him.
“I had to take a shit. That’s why I was late” He replied.
“Well that’s charming. Now, there’s no time to waste. We have to get to the Docks to stop that bastard Lim-Dul before he rapes anymore animals! Come Weirdo, to the skies!” Captain Awesome shouts triumphantly.
“I have to take the bus to the docks now?” Weirdo asks.
“Yeah… I’ll wait for you there. There’s a hot dog stand down there that does great shit. I’ll get some chow until you arrive”
“I’m hungry too”
“Well then I guess you better learn how to fly. Haha!” Captain Awesome laughs as he flies out of the window. Weirdo rushes out of the Mayor’s office to rendezvous at the Docks.

At the Docks, Captain Awesome is finishing off an XL Dog when Weirdo comes running over.
“Captain Awesome! I made it” Weirdo exclaims, a little out of breath.
“Yeah. You took your time. Come on, Lim’s warehouse is over here” Awesome starts to walk in the direction of Lim-Dul’s warehouse.
“He has sex with dog’s?” Weirdo asks.
“And the rest. He’ll fuck any kind of animal. Hell, I caught him with a shaved Orang-utan once”
“Cool!”
“Wha….? OK here we are. Let’s go get the bastard” Captain Awesome smashes the front door in with his super strength and starts off inside.
“What should I do?” Weirdo asks excitedly.
“Just come on in. All they have is automatic weaponry, and that doesn’t even hurt me. The bullets just bounce right off” Awesome boasts.
“What about me?”
“I’ll just catch any that go near you”
“Wow!”

Captain Awesome and Weirdo enter into the warehouse. They walk out in a large open space. Lim shouts down from a walkway above, and suddenly his henchman surrounds our heroes. Awesome is unfazed by them.

“So. We meet again Captain Awesome” Lim bellows.
“Yes we do Lim-Dul. I’ve come to send you back where you belong. Prison!” Awesome retorts.
“What are you sending me to prison for, I haven’t done anything”
“You escaped to violate this cities pets. I won’t allow that!”
“I didn’t escape, I was freed”
“What!?”
“Bestiality doesn’t exactly have the lengthiest sentence. I served it out”
“And now you’re back to fuck some more animals”
“Well I haven’t done anything yet. You can’t lock me up for nothing. Wait a second. Why have you brought that kid in here?”
“He’s my sidekick for a week. The Weirdo”
“Jesus. What can he do?”
“He doesn’t have super powers”
“That is irresponsible, even for you”
“That’s what the Mayor said”
“He was right. Who exactly is the bad guy here? You bring him to fight crime, he could get killed”
“Why? Are you going to kill him?”
“No”
“You’re a murderer Lim-Dul, I just know it. You’re going down for a very long time”
“I haven’t murdered anyone in my life”
“You dropped some girders on my head!”
“You didn’t die!”
“It would have killed a normal man”
“Yes well I know you’re not a normal man. That’s why I did it. I knew there would be no legal ramifications or repercussions. I won’t be dropping girders on a kid!”
“Well it's still a pretty serious case of assault. Listen you scum bag, I’m going to….”

Captain Awesome is interrupted by a loud bang which echoes round the warehouse. He looks round to see a henchman staring back at him.

“I uh… dropped my gun” He whispers sheepishly.

Captain Awesome cocks an eyebrow, then turns his attention back to Lim-Dul. He is about to say something when he notices the expression on Dul’s face. He is staring in what can only be described as horror. Captain Awesome looks down to see Weirdo lying in a pool of blood with the back of his head missing. Awesome puts his hands on his head.

“Man… I’m gonna burn for this……”



THE END


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 23:30 
ohh the tragedy


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 23:42 
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Has no REAL life! (2546)
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I somewhat feel for weirdo :/
Fuuut fuuuut, this train runs on the fumes of j's~

Really great stories, this should be animated and become a million dollar euro project <3


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 23:49 
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Has no REAL life! (4896)
Yeah Weirdo was a victim of Captain Awesome's extreme negligence.

He'll come back though.


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 28 Dec 2008, 23:52 
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Has no REAL life! (1440)
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1 word, EPIC!

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 29 Dec 2008, 00:54 
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Kinda hopeless, but improving (100)
I have to say mate, these stories crack me up to the MAX! They're very fun to read indeed.


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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 29 Dec 2008, 11:45 
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Geek (877)
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lol
Fu, moist! me wantss be hero!! ME WANTS BE HERO!

n1 anyway :P

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 29 Dec 2008, 13:27 
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Has no REAL life! (1359)
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[SpA]TheWeirdo wrote:
lol
Fu, moist! me wantss be hero!! ME WANTS BE HERO!

n1 anyway :P
ill use some of my superhero blood to revive you! and you'll become a guy with powers because of that! <3


Awesome story though.. anyone know how to make funny tf2 videos, we can turn these stories into movies then xD =]

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 Post subject: Re: McMoist's Story Time
PostPosted: 29 Dec 2008, 13:36 
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Has no REAL life! (5288)
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[SpA]Cpt.Awesome wrote:
[SpA]TheWeirdo wrote:
lol
Fu, moist! me wantss be hero!! ME WANTS BE HERO!

n1 anyway :P
ill use some of my superhero blood to revive you! and you'll become a guy with powers because of that! <3


Awesome story though.. anyone know how to make funny tf2 videos, we can turn these stories into movies then xD =]
Now that would be very awesome :P

_________________
a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig


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