You can make it with garry's mod right? 0_0
but we'd need awesome voiceactors... where are we going to get such expensive people O;

xD

People who sound like ourselves? Thats going to be impossible

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a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig

hahaha
go mcmoist :p

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I miss my pownie

LETS DO IT!

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Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.

Awesome, epic...McMoist is god

This topic needs more approval O;
so.. eh.. here!

Hahaha cool
I wonder what your new-year story is going to be!

more stories

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"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."

Instead of writing stories in other forums and getting banned for it, write stories here and get urself some cookies.

awesome shit moist

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"The bots came, saw Saints post count and gave up instantly."-[SpA]futari

Yep. I'm at it again. And away we go!

Once Upon A Time in England, a Brave Knight by the name of Kizron the Bold is making his way to a secret location. There he has been tasked with meeting with one of the King’s best General’s. Kizron is a little perplexed as to why he would have to travel out into the country for the meet but assures himself that his mission must be one of great importance. Arriving at the location, Kizron is surprised to find that the meet is being held in a rather quaint little farm that consists of a wooden farmhouse and small pen containing a few sheep. He makes his way to the front door and knocks loudly.

“Come in Kizron” A voice booms from inside.

Kizron enters the farmhouse to find General Blackhawk sitting by a roaring fire.

“Ah Kizron my boy. Come in, have a seat”
“I would Sir, but it’s quite difficult to get comfortable in all this Armour”
“Ah. Of course. Would you like some sausage then? Surely you’re hungry from your travels?”
“Again, no thank you Sir”
“Fair enough. Well I suppose we should get on with business then. Basically, we need you to head South to the coastal town of Portsmouth”
“Portsmouth Sir?”
“Yes. Portsmouth”
“Why?”
“Well basically, the townsfolk are being terrorised by an evil Sorcerer known as Lim-Dul the Perverse. He’s been hassling the local women for sex. And the men. Children too… He’s also been having a go at the pets…. Some livestock. Well. Pretty much everybody in the town to be honest. This wouldn’t be of much concern to us but recently he’s been using his powers for more nefarious purposes as he becomes more desperate for that sweet thrill of molestation”
“So you want me to go to Portsmouth and kill him?” Kizron asks tentatively.
“Well it’s a little more bluntly than I might have phrased it Knight, but yes. We can’t allow another Sorcerer to become too powerful for us to control. Lest we forget the battle that followed after the rise of Bucky the Stoned?” Blackhawk says gravely. He rises up out of his chair and moves toward Kizron. “I doubt it will be an easy battle Kizron, but I have faith in your ability to tackle this problem. And to help in your Quest there is an enchanted item outside that should even the field a great deal. Now go, defeat this cursed pervert and free Portsmouth from his terrorising ways. I’d come out and see you off but I have to go make sure my sausage isn’t burning”
“Oh Sir” Kizron beckons to the General “Just before I go. Why did you want to meet all the way out here?”
“Well it’s my house. And I couldn’t be bothered making my way back to the Capital”
“Oh…”

Kizron makes his way out of the farmhouse, closing the door behind him. What could this magical item be that General Blackhawk spoke of? He walks out on to the grass and is about to look around when he hears something.

“Psst. Hey. Hey” A voice seems to call out. Kizron is a little perplexed as to where it is coming from. He looks back at the farmhouse but General Blackhawk is nowhere to
be seen. He turns and out of the corner of his eye catches a black sheep. It is the one that appears to be speaking. Kizron is understandably shocked at the sight of a talking animal.

“You can talk sheep?” Kizron asks, feeling a little foolish.
“Of course I can talk. What’s your name?” The sheep asks.
“Kizron. Kizron the Bold”
“The Bold? Are you a Knight?”
“Well yes”
“Why are you here?”
“I’ve been tasked with a mission”
“What’s your mission?”
“Uh… I’ve to head South to Portsmouth to take down an evil Sorcerer that’s terrorising the locals there”
“You should take me with you” The sheep pipes up suddenly.
“I should?”
“Yes. Didn’t General Blackhawk tell you to take me with you? I’m surprised he didn’t mention that”

Kizron thinks for a moment. Is the talking sheep the magical item he was speaking of? It seems a little odd but a talking sheep is indeed a rare and magical sight.

“Well the General did mention something about….”
“Yes, he was talking about me. Take me with you now” The sheep is now butting the gate into the pen with his head. Kizron approaches and opens the gate letting the black sheep out. Kizron closes the gate again and turns to the sheep.
“So. Do these other sheep talk?” Kizron asks gesturing to the white sheep hanging around.
“No. They don’t talk”
“Won’t you miss them?”
“No. They’re all dicks anyway. I’ll be glad to see the back of them”
“Oh… so what’s your name sheep?”
“Crovax”
“OK Crovax. Shall we be on our way then?”
“Yes. Let’s”

After a number of hours of travelling Kizron and Crovax decide to set up camp in the woods. Finding a small clearing Kizron starts to build a fire. Crovax stands around staring at him.

“So after I’ve made this fire, I’ll need to go into the forest there. Catch my dinner” Kizron quips.
“So?” Crovax asks bluntly.
“Well maybe you could help me?”
“Why would I do that?” He replies.
“Well I could see what you’re capable of. See why the General thought it necessary for you to accompany me on this mission” Kizron says, throwing some sticks on to the pile.
“What I’m capable of? You want to see if I’m capable of killing another animal to fill your belly?”
“Uh… well” Kizron stutters.
“Thanks but no thanks Brave Sir Knight. Since I only really eat grass, I think I can be spared the horror of murdering another living being”
“Um… sure. Yeah” Kizron looks a little embarrassed as he starts to blow on the freshly smoking pile. As the fire starts to spread he gets to his feet, picks up a bow and arrow from his bag and makes his way into the forest.

Kizron sits by the fire. He is pulling meat from a stick he has just pulled from the fire. He tries not to make eye contact with Crovax who is still standing staring at him.

“Listen I’m sorry OK. I need to eat. Lim-Dul is a powerful foe, I need the energy this food gives me” Kizron tries to reason.
“I never said anything”
“Yes but you’re standing there staring at me!”
“So?”
“What do you mean so? You’re judging me cause I’m eating this rabbit”
“I’m not judging you”
“Well could you stop staring at me then!?”
“No”
“Fuck!”

There is a long awkward silence. Kizron continues to tentatively pick at the dead animal on a stick. Crovax continues to stare.

“I hate white sheep. They’re a bunch of elitist pricks” Crovax pipes up.
“What?” Kizron asks, a little confused by the sudden subject change.
“They hang around all day acting superior cause they’re what society sees as the accepted norm”
“Oh right. Yeah”
“They think they should get fed before me”
“Cause you’re a black sheep?”
“Yeah. Whenever our trough gets filled up, they try to butt me out of the way. I specifically hang out by the trough so I can get the food as it’s poured. You saw me hanging out by the trough didn’t you?”
“Well, yeah I suppose. I never rea….”
“Exactly. So what makes them think they can come over and just push me away? Essentially it’s my trough when you think about it”
“Cause you’re standing next to it all the time?”
“Yeah”
“That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense Crovax?”
“Yes it does”
“No it doesn’t. If I went to the Capital and stood next to the King’s Castle, it wouldn’t automatically become mine after a while”
“Well it should”
“What!? No it shouldn’t, what’s the point in property ownership if somebody can just take it from you cause they stand next to it for a period of time?”
“Those white sheep are prejudiced. They think cause I’m a black sheep I shouldn’t be allowed to own the trough”
“That is just retarded! You all live in the same pen! It’s a communal trough!”
“No it’s not”
“Sweet Jesus! I’m not going to sit here and argue with you about this! I don’t really give a shit about sheep politics anyway”
“Why are you standing up for the white sheep anyway?”
“I’m not standing up for them. I just don’t agree with what you’re saying”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to sleep. We’ll reach Portsmouth tomorrow and I want to be well rested” Kizron says lying down on the ground. “And I suggest you do the same”

Crovax stands staring at Kizron. Kizron closes his eyes but shifts uncomfortably on the ground. He opens his eyes and stares back at the sheep.

“Will you stop bloody staring at me!? Go to sleep for Christ’s sakes!” Kizron shouts.
“I’m not tired” Crovax replies.
“Well if you’re going to stay up, could you please stop staring at me!?”
“Why?”
“It makes me uncomfortable!”
“Well that’s not my problem”
“It fucking will be your problem if you keep doing it!”
“Are you threatening me?”
“Yes! I’m threatening you, you dumb beast!”
“Well don’t”

Kizron retracts a little bit. General Blackhawk wouldn’t have sent this sheep with him if it weren’t a powerful weapon. Maybe it would be best if Kizron didn’t antagonise it too much. He would just put up with it until his mission was complete. He closes his eyes again and tries to get some rest. Crovax continues to stare at him.

The next day, Kizron and Crovax have made their way to Portsmouth successfully. Kizron looks a little worse for wear. Clearly he never got the good nights sleep he had been hoping for. A local Royal Guardsmen greets them as they enter the town.

“Hello Sir. You must be the Knight sent by General Blackhawk” The Guard says saluting Kizron.
“Yeah. That’s me” He replies. “Where is this Lim-Dul?”
“Well we’re not entirely sure Sir but we believe him to be living in some cliffs to the West of town”
“Right. I’m just going to head up there now” Kizron states in a droning voice as he starts of towards the cliffs.
“Sir. I’m not entirely sure that’s wise. He is no pushover and you are alone” The guard warns, following Kizron.
“I’m not alone. I’ve got this sheep with me” Kizron seems less than reassuring as he walks off followed by Crovax. The Guard stands looking thoroughly perplexed.

Kizron and Crovax stand at the head of the cliffs. A strong wind blows in from the sea and waves crash against the rocks below them.

“I just don’t see anywhere that Lim-Dul could be hiding” Kizron shouts, making his voice heard over the wind.
“Well there’s a cave down there. Maybe he’s in there?” Crovax says, looking over the edge.
“A cave? Where?” Kizron asks, moving toward the sheep.
“Down there. It’s almost at water level. It would make a good place to hide”

Kizron looks down. It’s hard to make out but there does indeed seem to be a cave opening on the cliff face. The sheep has good eyes if nothing else.

“Right. That has to be where Lim-Dul is hiding. It won’t be easy but we need to climb down there and confront the monster” Kizron shouts, taking off his heavy breastplate.
“I can’t climb down there” Crovax says moving away from the edge.
“But you have to come with me”
“Well you’ll have to carry me then”
“My arms are going to be a little pre-occupied hanging on for dear life Crovax!”
“Well you can tie me to your back then”
“Wha…..? I don’t have any rope!” Kizron shouts moving toward the sheep.
“I’m sure they have some rope back in Portsmouth. I’ll wait here and grab myself a pre-battle snack”
“That’s like an hour and a half round trip you little shit! Can’t you just try and climb down?”
“No”

Kizron walks off back toward Portsmouth shouting. Crovax tears of a chunk of grass from the ground and starts chewing. When he returns over an hour and a half later he approaches Crovax without speaking, wraps a rope around him and hoists him on to his back. Kizron then starts to climb down the rock face.

“God damn you’re heavy!” Kizron shouts, fighting not to be pulled back “And why the hell are you squirming around back there!?”
“Well I thought I’d do some stretching. I’ve not been in many fights. I don’t want to pull a muscle” Crovax replies.
“Gargh!!! Stop it you fucking asshole! This is hard enough without you moving around!” Kizron screams, holding on to an outcrop.
“I’m stretching”

Kizron’s hand hovers over the rope holding Crovax to his back. The sheep continues to stretch. He contemplates cutting him loose. He can’t though. He is vital to the success of this mission. Kizron continues to struggle down the cliff toward the cave opening. When they reach it, they find the opening to be a lot larger than they initially thought. It has a narrow walkway to the left of the cave with the rest being of the opening being taken up by water. Kizron jumps down on to the walkway and immediately drops Crovax off of his back. He drops to his knee’s exhausted.

“So you think this pervert guy is in here?” Crovax asks, clearly not concerned with Kizron’s state.
“I don’t know” Kizron replies, out of breath.
“What’s wrong with you?” Crovax asks.
“I just climbed down a 50ft cliff with a sheep tied to my back! THAT’S what’s wrong with me!” Kizron shouts, his voice echoing round the cave. “I’m fucking exhausted… If this guys in here then I’m going to get my ass kicked”
“I feel fine”
“Yes I know you feel fine! Apart for some light stretching, you haven’t done a bloody thing!! And you’ve had breakfast and lunch! I haven’t eaten a thing because I feel too guilty to eat anything in front of you!”
“You could have had some grass”
“Suck my fucking balls sheep! Suck my balls!”
“No thanks”
“You little fuck! I oughta drown you right now!! As soon as this mission is over you get the hell away from me!!” Kizron is now screaming. His voice bounces off, of the cave walls. Any element of surprise will surely be lost now.

They make their way into the cave along the walkway. Soon they make it past the body of water and the cave opens up more. Kizron looks deflated as he looks around. There don’t appear to be any signs of anybody living there. He puts his hands against his face.

“What do you want?” A voice asks, causing Kizron to spin around. Standing there is the most perverted looking fuck he has ever seen.
“Lim-Dul?” Kizron asks, seemingly filled with new life.
“Yes that’s me. Are you the guy that woke me up with all that shouting?” Lim-Dul asks.
“Uh… yeah” Kizron draws his sword and points it at the Sorcerer. “I have come to destroy you Lim-Dul. Your days of depravity are at an end!”

Lim-Dul stands staring at Kizron for a moment then fires a bolt of purple light up into the cave roof. This causes a large boulder to become dislodged. It falls on Kizron, trapping him. Only his head and right arm are left exposed.

“GARGH!!!!!!!” He screams in agony.
“Sorry but I don’t feel like being destroyed today. I have a hot date with a Pony tonight” Lim says walking past Kizron and Crovax.
“Crovax!” Kizron screams “Take him out! Kill that fiend!”
“I can’t do that” Crovax replies.
“What!?” Kizron screams writhing around under the boulder.
“A talking sheep? Intriguing… Nah. Although it could be fun, this really is one hot Pony” Lim declares striding away toward the cave opening. “Oh and Knight. Don’t worry about being trapped under there for too long. The tide will be coming in soon and you’ll drown. Anyway. Byeee”

Lim-Dul starts to levitate then flies out of the cave opening. Kizron is left lying in agony. Crovax stands staring at him.

“Stop staring at me… Get this boulder off of me Crovax”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“Use your powers! Destroy this chunk of rock!!”
“I don’t have any powers”
“What!!?? You can talk!” Kizron screams, appearing desperate now.
“So? I can’t talk this massive rock off of you” Crovax replies, clearly lacking any kind of sympathy.
“Why the fuck would the General tell me to bring you!!??”
“He probably meant the Axe of Light”
“What?”
“The Axe of Light. It was stuck in a log outside the farmhouse. I’m surprised you didn’t see it. It’s all golden and jewel encrusted and glowing and stuff. It’s a powerful magic weapon.”

Kizron tries desperately to grab Crovax. There is real fury on his face as he swipes. Crovax takes a step back.

“You fucking prick!!! I’ll rip your God damn sheep head off!!!” Kizron screams, trying his hardest to wriggle free.
“Yeah. That would have been a lot more useful than me. No doubt about that” Crovax says, still clearly not caring about Kizron’s plight.
“Oh God… I’m going to die here. At least try to get this boulder off of me, please”
“How would I even do that?”
“Christ, I dunno! Push it with you head!”
“Are you kidding? I can’t even push the pen gate open, never mind a giant boulder”
“Try anyway!! TRY!!!”
“No. I don’t want to hurt my neck”
“GGGGAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!”
“Well if that’s the case I might as well take off. I don’t want to get wet anyway”

Crovax makes his way toward the cave entrance, leaving Kizron trapped.

“You won’t be able to get back up that cliff sheep!! You’re going to die down here too!!!” Kizron screams at Crovax as he watches him leave.
“Actually, we sheep are quite competent climbers. I should be OK” Crovax replies.

Kizron watches as Crovax leaves the cave. He lets his head slump against the cave floor. An hour later, sea water fills the cave, and eventually his lungs.

THE END.

Lol, awesome McMoist!
That's my favourite!

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Ze Ãœbermensch

I love you.

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All roads may lead to Rome, but all Wikipedia pages eventually get you to the Third Reich. - m3n

I kinda guessed the end, that the sheep isnt the artifact.
But still nice Keep it coming.

I have perverted magical powers! Just like in real life! ;-)

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War does not determine who is right - only who is left. - Bertrand Russell

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a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig

Haha, bloody awesome!

Also, I see that my clone is number 1 @ the leaderboards, this bodes well for the toresson invasion.

I was sort of hoping that crovax and lim dul would get locked in some sort of eternal debate/argument, but this ending is better. McMoist gain +3 awesome points!

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ュ~ちゃんgamer.jp Pinky: true genius
ュ~ちゃんgamer.jp Pinky: doesn't make sense
ュ~ちゃんgamer.jp Pinky: till you're senseless

so...fuckin...amazing... <3

btw: blackhawks english is way too good in ur story xD

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...:::~*We Can't Be Adults! We're Steadily Growing!!*~:::...

Oi!

/me commands Kizron to... ah damn... that knight is dead. /me commands Reelelelentless to kill Baal Kagan (a pervert, too!).

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SaintK: I'm completely lost

I hear Valve has ordered a creation of TF2 comic, maybe we should add our own chapter to it ? McMoist seems to have the stories down, some added graphics and we are set. We could take the graphics from the game, draw some chat bubbles . or it could be something like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLQrvRu1P2Y and im volunteering as associate producer

Great stories Mr Moist

Its just that McMoist doesnt use TF2 Chars and it would lose all its unique humor if he did.

/me goes to kill Baal

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All roads may lead to Rome, but all Wikipedia pages eventually get you to the Third Reich. - m3n

With my pownie ? Why I don't know anything about that ?

Awesome story again McMoist ^^

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I miss my pownie

mcmoist for president..

ever thought of writing a book mcmoist?

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Sebas the avenging zebra's sidekick! <3

He does already.

My next story is going to be a long one as I can blog them now

And as a little preview it's going to star Migu and Sonny Black. So check out the front page for that.

Can I dance now? I think I'm gonna dance now Yipeee!

And Lim-Dul will probably be in there somewhere

I found a video of you when you where young
You had the dancing skillz already mastered.

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/459451/ ... _raar.html

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We Shall Not Be Moved!

Hahaha!
Can't wait for the next story now though.

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Ze Ãœbermensch

/me sits and waits for his pc screen refreshing the spa homepage for the new story update <3

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Sebas the avenging zebra's sidekick! <3